


number one (assume nothing)

by sibylvane



Series: the moscow rules [5]
Category: Agent Carter (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Character Study, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-04
Updated: 2020-01-04
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:54:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22115959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sibylvane/pseuds/sibylvane
Summary: disturbingly realistic.
Series: the moscow rules [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1591852
Kudos: 9





	number one (assume nothing)

Dottie has huge problems sleeping without her wrist handcuffed to the bed. It’s the one thing in the world that actually gives her some kind of comfort, no matter how horrible it may sound. It’s something familiar to her, something that makes her feel safe. It keeps the nightmares and horrors of what she’s witnessed and done away, or at least at an arm's length. Without them, she becomes fidgety and uncomfortable at night, and often wakes up not only herself but other people with her screams and sobs.  
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀  
Dottie rarely feels remorse for the people she kills, or have killed. The only death she’s caused haunts her is Anya, the girl she befriended in the red room but was forced to kill to prove herself. It’s a trauma that’s stuck with her for over ten years, and she stills hears the horrible choking noises at the back of her head whenever she sees a little girl with braids in her hair.

Dottie hates cartoons, or animated movies. They remind her of the Red Room, and she is convinced that they are some kind of propaganda or brainwashing device that will affect her brain, just like they did back in Russia.

If Dottie would at some point have gone to a psychiatrist or something similar, she almost certainly would have been diagnosed as a sociopath. Like a textbook sociopath, she knows what she is doing might be wrong, but that doesn’t stop her at all. She has little to no conscience and doesn’t refrain from lying, but rather than being born a psychopath her sociopathy is a product of the beliefs and skills that has been drilled into her brain for as long as she can remember. Despite this, she never hesitates to use charm and charisma to get out of a situation or gain whatever it is that she wants or needs, though she might not understand what actually loving and caring for someone really means, since it has been so long since she’s experienced it. Maybe that’s why she develops the strange obsession she has with Peggy Carter, whom she views as her friend despite them being on clearly different sides - it’s the closest to love she’s ever gotten.  
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀  
Dottie has trouble grasping the concept of consent. When she grew up in the Red Room, several of the girls, including Dottie herself a couple of times, would be chosen at random moments (often late at night), to train alone with some of the instructors. This would often result in the girl having to do something she didn’t want to do for the instructor, such as sex in some form, which the girls had to oblige to not only to to gain more points in the eyes of her superiors but to survive. Adding the obligatory training she underwent to become a Black Widow, where she’s been forged to hurt and kill without a second thought, dottie has been forced to do things against her own free will many times. Therefore, the line between consent and not consent has been almost completely blurred out to her, which is shown when she kisses Peggy Carter (and several other instances throughout the series).  
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀  
Dottie would never admit to being afraid of something - and to be fair, she isn’t frightened by mundane things like death, or most forms of torture for that sake - but one thing that she actually fears is choking. She wasn’t exactly thrilled by the idea before, but after getting tortured by Whitney Frost and the Zero Matter, it’s one of those things that haunts her without her cuffs. She’s never really been able to piece herself fully together again afterwards - a chokehold of any kind brings back the memories of being ripped apart from the inside, and the helplessness she felt.  
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀  
Dottie have crooked toes and blisters on her feet from her time doing ballet in the Red Room. Over the course of her career as a ballerina, she gained several injuries, including tearing a few tendons in her foot, and accidentally pulling her fibula and tibia apart attempting a barrel turn when she moved her foot wrong. But Dottie quickly learned to smile through the pain and laugh it off, as did all the other graduates, despite her not being able to properly walk again for several months.  
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀  
Dottie’s wrists hurts constantly from using the cuffs, and even though she learned a long time ago to push the pain aside while using a weapon or just using her hands in general, sudden touches to her wrists makes her flinch. She is so accustomed to pain that soft, non-violent movements makes her more hurt and uncomfortable than hits and punches ever could.


End file.
